Well, in high school I always wanted to be doing something. I thought nights and weekends were for being busy and staying up too late and never drinking enough water. I wanted to be with people and when I was alone I would freak out.
Then, in college, I had to study. I was still with people all the time on the weekends and evenings - to the point where I didn't do my homework or study as much as I should have. Or practice my musical skills. I did pull the classic "fall in love and get married" thing, so that also took some major time. There was the people process of planning the wedding and all that. I was still completely an extrovert.
Then, I got married. I was still in college. This didn't really seem to matter much...friends were over all the time, and I was still an extremely loud and opinionated person.
So I moved to Chicago. I was pretty scared to be there. I felt like I didn't know anything about ministry or seminary or theology or ethics. I hadn't majored in Bible in college and I was pretty young. Everyone else seemed put together or prepared. I felt young and silly. It was hard to make new friends who really understood me. So I stuck with my husband. I still tried to be extroverted, but we didn't really have the money to go out a lot. So we stayed in and we studied and we watched television or movies. I started to move inward.
We moved to Decorah in my 3rd year of school and it was actually quite difficult for me to be a youth pastor person. The energy it took to keep up with people and call them and plan activities about did me in. I wanted quiet nights with my husband. I wanted days to read and think. This is when I realized it: I was closer to the I on the tests than the E.
At this point we had been married about 4 years and that also greatly affected my introvertedness. Kennan doesn't really have an extroverted qualities and he has a fairly extroverted job. So when he comes home, he's done. No partying for him. Quiet is good. So I adapted. And I have learned to like his way.
When we moved to Alaska many people said my extrovertedness would surely come back because seminary is a specific time in life when one must delve completely into something that is very introverted. Reading books all the time doesn't really leave time for hanging out at all hours of the day and night.
I haven't changed though. Sometimes, Kennan is frustrated with me because he wants to go somewhere and I just want to stay home. I don't call friends often because there is so much energy involved in keeping up with everyone, even though I want to. But that extroverted, energetic, outgoing piece of me has disappeared. It is sort of like I grew out of it. Or maybe I just used it all up, which is a possibility. I was LOUD and OBNOXIOUS back in the day. If you are thinking that I still am then you should have known me then. Seriously. Bad news. It is amazing my introverted husband looked at me twice. (It actually took him about 5 million looks to get the picture, but that is a completely other story that you don't want to hear right now).
How can a person change so much in such a short amount of time (5 years)?
No wonder everything is somewhat befuddling. I don't know how to be an introvert for life!
2 comments:
I think maybe it's just because you're getting old. :P Just kidding. I love you--even if you don't want to party it up. I can't do that anyway. Partying makes me tired.
So THIS is what Clarissa was talking about! I said something like, "so I read about the moose roadkill" and she said, "on which blog." heh, now I get it!!! Thanks for commenting! Anyway, I used to be UBER extroverted and now, it isn't that I'm introverted, it's more that I'm older and really would prefer to love on my husband than go out with the girls. Plus, with moving to Texas from VA, I'm with you Liberal DC to uber conservative Texas. I mean, I'm a gun toting Republican BUT that doesn't mean it's all hunky dory. I'm having a REALLY hard time finding friends here. I've NEVER had trouble and it isn't them, it's me, I just am not putting the effort into it like I used to...
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