Irrational Fears and Advent

So, it has been awhile. Life has been interesting and my quiet season away from writing may be ending. I'm just going to jump right back in because right now is where I am. And if you haven't heard, we're moving to Pella, IA. So, that's a big deal.

I have some irrational fears surrounding the upcoming month of my life. Writing them out helps.

Irrational fear #1: My house is going to burn down.

Now listen, I know the odds are stacked against this actually happening. Once in a lifetime should be enough, right? I get it, I do. However, in my brain at this point, moving equals fire. Last time we decided to move our apartment burned down before the move could be accomplished. The thought and planning of moving brings up all those old emotions. Getting boxes, buying tape, thinking about packing and timing...everything brings up those old fears. Logic doesn't win in the middle of the night when you wake up in a cold sweat because you heard something and your body responds with terror. I think actually moving safely will help conquer the fear, but until then there is fear.

Irrational fear #2: Letting a moving company move our stuff will result in ruin.

Here again, the logic should win out but it doesn't. If the company is paying a large chunk of change to move us, shouldn't we let them? The answer is a resounding 'yes' especially since we have a piano, 2 freezers, 2 beds, a huge couch, and a ridiculous amount of other items. (Seriously - the amount of stuff a person can acquire in 18 months is absurd.) This fear, too, leads back to the fire. Letting someone else be in charge of our things and trusting them to not lose them, break them, damage them, or get in an accident on the road is scary. I know it is just stuff, but it is our stuff. Losing everything again just might put me in the looney bin. And their insurance, do I pay for that? Do I risk it? Who has that kind of extra cash?

Irrational fear #3: We will never find a renter for our current house.

Our landlord is a lovely human being who has decided that we have to find someone to take over our lease until the beginning of June. Currently, it is December. Who wants to move in January? Who has time during the holiday season to come and look at houses and sign leases? We are already paying double rent in December and I definitely cannot afford double rent after this. Even this is pushing the envelope. Our house is cute enough, the price is fine for where we live, but parking is only on the street and the yard is fairly non-existent. If no one takes it we have a serious, serious problem. This, too, keeps me up at night.

There are certainly other things that concern me about this move. Most of the others aren't okay for a public forum. This is the right choice, I do know that in my inner self. Despite knowing that truth, I am afraid of these 3 things more than you can know. I have a knot in my stomach. If you are reading this and you would be willing, please pray for these things specifically. For the first two, pray that peace can reign in my spirit. And for the third, please pray that the 2 people who have come to see the house will both want it and the landlord can choose one of them. If not, then pray someone comes over next week and loves it. That monkey really needs to be off of our back before the college students leave 2 weeks after Thanksgiving.

I'm trying to be logical. Right now, in the midst of Thanksgiving, I am trying to feel thankful. And I am thankful for so many things, namely a job with pool therapy, something my husband has always wanted to be able to do.

Right now, I am remembering that Advent starts this Sunday. In Advent, the church pauses and waits for the Savior. I, too, am waiting for the Savior to be born. I am also waiting for many other things: for answers, for finality, for endings, for joy, for the choices to be made. I am waiting for it to all turn out okay.

And it will, as it always does.

Happy Thanksgiving. Look around the table at those you are with and give thanks. At this time of year I always miss my grandma and her funny squash as well as my grandpa with his glorious belly laugh. Enjoy the small moments and give thanks. Today is a beautiful thing. And everything really will be alright.