The Challenge

Hey! It's been awhile. I'm just going to jump right in. I am no longer going to link to my blog on facebook because, well, facebook is weird and I'm not sure I like it sometimes. So, if you are a person who actually subscribes or a friend - hey! If not, welcome! And if nobody is reading...well, this is honestly somewhat of a personal journal about our current struggles and goals. If you are interested, great. If not, no biggie.

Kennan and I moved. We finally feel whole. At the end of the day, it wasn't Cedar Falls' fault at all. It is a kind community, a nice place, with beautiful people even. But for us it was and always will be "the place we went to after our lives literally imploded in front of us" or "the place we had to rebuild". Even the house we were in, cute and awkward as it was, was a constant reminder. 

And the thing is? We didn't even know it. We knew we felt off and a little wrong about it. We knew that even though things financially seemed to be going well and we had access to all the food we cared about that something just wasn't fitting.

Do I think Pella is the answer? Not at all. Nice enough place, people are a little interesting, and flashbacks of scariness via intriguing culture quirks in my childhood happens all the time. But, it isn't Cedar Falls. It isn't the 'right after the fire' place. It is an actual new beginning with hope instead of a new beginning with heartache. We needed to leave - and since we have moved things have come to the surface....things we weren't even able to see before because of the cloud hanging over us that we didn't even know was there.

#1: We were making bad financial choices. Yes, we were paying off debt. Yes, we were saving and funding our IRA's. However, bad choices. We were going out to eat all the time. We were buying lots of 'specialty' type foods way too often. We were spending lots of gas money to go lots of places. We were buying things we didn't need at all. We were so tired that we weren't really budgeting, just paying the bills, paying some debt, and not really thinking about where the rest of the money was going.

Now? Well, we have been living on love in some senses. Our student loan payments each month (YES, EACH MONTH) are $1750. No, really. When you take into account living expenses like rent, utilities, internet, cell phones (we don't do landlines), and basic gas and food....the money is gone. And I mean G-O-N-E. I have been looking for work since we arrived and thankfully finally found something that starts next week (woohoo!). I have been getting commission sewing and quilt projects and designing a blog that will hopefully be live soon to sell my wares. But, because of me not finding a job yet and Kennan's pay going down a bit (mostly because he is getting better benefits, which means a little higher cost for health care and HSA plus some money actually being put into retirement by the company) we had to bit the bullet of reality. Thank goodness.

So, we've learned a lot in 3 months. This month, we are challenging ourselves even further by linking up with Northwest Edible's Eat From the Larder Challenge and eating only from within our home for a month. I modified slightly because we do get milk locally each week and I don't want to cut that off because I *just* started making milk kefir and we need a pint of milk per day for that. Because we were going out to eat so much, we weren't eating from our preservation stores. Because we weren't eating from our preservation stores (and seriously - how stupid are we?) there was and is quite a bit of food left in our pantry, freezers, and canning shelves. So this month we aren't going to the grocery store and we aren't going out to eat. By the end of the month I will be craving cheese like nobody's business and I will probably want a non-frozen and non-canned vegetable more than anything. But guess what? The first weekend in May is also the first farmers markets around here! And the first week in May is our first CSA veggie share! So, I will get my reward. I will be writing, posting photos and recapping this challenge one or two times a week this month.

Our major debt goal for the year is $14,000. That would pay off one more student loan, plus a significant chunk of some other things. We would start next year with 4 student loans instead of 5 payments each month. And hey - that is something. I don't know that we will be able to reach this goal, but it is good to have a goal nonetheless.

#2: We are fat. While I don't condone negativity, and I definitely don't want to harp on myself or my husband, we are fat. Some of it is stress from the fire. Some of it is going out to eat. Some of it is sheer laziness. Some of it is just...things in the past that are still hanging on. 

So, we made some goals. We are going to see friends the 2nd week in July that we haven't seen for 5 years. The goal before we go to see them is to look like we did when we last saw them. Keep in mind, they could care less. They love us no matter what. This is just a good goal to have. It means some concerted effort, but it is working. And, bonus, my skin is much clearer. Sidenote: I think going out to eat and I aren't really friends anymore. Acne. Fat. General digestive system upset. Also? It usually doesn't taste very good anymore.

Our second weight loss goal is rather large, but it is a hopefully end of the year goal. It is goal weights both of us want to be at before having children. I have done too much research and know too much about how being unhealthy both before and during pregnancy can affect your child FOR LIFE. Life is a long time to put on a child who has no choice in the matter. I get that this doesn't matter for some people, but it matters for us. It is also a good goal to have because when we are making bad choices we can make comments to each other about having children and going on vacation. And yes, if you are someone who has been asking, asking, asking or thinking, thinking, thinking it - we do want to have children. We'll get there. All will be well. 

So, here we are. The beginning of April, laying it out on the table for ourselves. We shall see what happens. Hopefully, only good can come after a season of such deep darkness.