Realizations

My new realization is this: I have forgotten how to write. And this makes me sad.

For so long, I wrote my questions about the world, about theology, about how and why we all interact with the world the way we do. I got pushback (not here on the blog, but in real life) again and again. Sometimes, I was 'too dark'. Sometimes, I 'needed to stop telling the truth and have fun'. It all depended on the person, but something was always wrong.

For a long time, I decided this was my fault. Some of it was, to be sure. I say things as I think them through, which is also how I write. I am a verbal processor and changing my personality isn't really an option in that vein of life. I go back and edit every time, but sometimes I let things pass through the edit screen that should never have made it to the final post. I apologized in many cases. In other cases, I was expected to apologize for being myself - for asking questions that I truly had about the world, because they were seen as some sort of chink in my armor...some form of weakness, maybe.

I have been missing this space and yet afraid to be myself in it.

I am someone who likes the questions.
I love the gray between the black and white of the world.
I think faith is much more complex that we often believe.
I also think faith means changing our very lives instead of going to a building once a week and saying some things.
I enjoy debate and even disagreement.
I believe people can genuinely read the same text and believe opposite things.
I think that requiring kids to go to college right after high school is hogwash.
I think taking care of the earth and those living on it is a top priority of the gospel message.
I think questioning what we think and why makes us all better people.
I am very liberal in many ways, but I have some pretty strong conservative values too.
I want the government out of my kitchen.
I am a pacifist, mostly, at the end of the day.
I definitely think we need to stop looking at other viewpoints as a threat to our own.
I strongly believe we would all be better people if we really looked at what we were spending our money on and WHY.

My mind is constantly pondering life's big questions. Sometimes this drives me crazy, but I have learned to accept it about myself. 

I truly want to get back to writing because it is who I am.

So, the dawn of a new era?

Maybe. Just maybe.