So, my left is puffed practically shut. This has happened on and off since Tuesday, when I woke up barely able to open my eye. I went to lunch with a friend anyway, because I'd been trying to get together with her for a long time. The swelling went down and continues to come back. My eyes have been itchy since we started the Alaskan Highway. There is a possibility that I am allergic to something in Alaska. I even have a fever today as my body tries to do something about this crazy eye. This is the second time I've been sick since I started this job, which is really a struggle.
There was snow in the midwest last weekend. We still haven't had snow here in Alaska. I think it might be some kind of record. The difference between snow here and snow there is that it will melt there, whereas here, once it is on the ground it stays until April. Lovely. But as I heard about the snow from family and friends I found myself longingly wishing I could be enjoying the first snow with them all.
I feel alone. And lost. It is very wierd.
I have decided that I may have actually undergone a personality change since marrying Kennan. While Kennan would definitely say that I am not an introvert, I used to be an excessive extrovert. One of those annoying ones who never shuts up and interrupts people. I try not to interrupt people now, but sometimes it does still happen. However, in these last 5 married years I have slowly changed. I like to stay in now, whereas before I was forcing Kennan to go out all the time. I like to be with Kennan, reading books, playing games, watching a movie. I am okay if we don't see other people at all on our days off (aside from church). Even at church, it is emotionally exhausting for me afterwards from all the talking and getting to know people. I used to get energy from people, but I think that has changed. I get energy now from my husband, from time alone, from quilting, from the outdoors. It doesn't come from people.
That is where this job is tricky: the requirement of being with people a lot. I'm not sure my personality can handle it. We'll see.
I'm wondering if I need to use my MDiv in the typical fashion. I think I was trained in seminary that I had to do some sort of "obvious" ministry in a church, non-profit, or something normal. Maybe I am just one of those wierd people who wants to work at a coffee shop with a master's degree. Or maybe I'm still going through culture shock. Or maybe I just really miss my mom. Or maybe God is trying to tell me that I really am different than I used to be and I need to spend some time figuring that out.
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2 comments:
we can all be different in different places with different people. this is also something i've struggled with in the past few years moving from a college community full of people to the 'working world.' sometimes i wonder if some people saw me as fickle, since i try to follow paul's words about being everything to everyone (i know i'm way misquoting, but you might be able to help me out on the reference). but as its true that there is a season for everything, i think we also have to adapt-in a sense- to whatever life throws our way. sometimes that means going out less and staying in more...in so many ways ;)
sorry- just more psychobable from sarah!
I really like the last paragraph. Maybe because it is where I am in life as well.
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