One is Enough

I have been struggling the last few weeks to find my footing in this job, in this place, in this transition. I have cried many tears, yelled many things, thought many evil thoughts, considered things I've never considered, and missed sleep all too well.

Transition is the name of the game right now: from school to working; from long breaks to 2 weeks vacation (for Kennan, I am luckier); from getting into debt to getting out; from ready-made community to struggling to find friends; from intellectual stimulation to making the gospel understandable; from seeing my husband all the time to wondering when we will be able to spend time together; from Illinois to Alaska; from being able to drive home to see my family to wondering if I will see them before May; from bosom friends to loneliness; from joy to confusion; from a spiritual awakening to a spiritual desert.

As the students have come and gone already in this short time, I have been questioning if this is worth all my struggle and heartache. Is this worth the sleepless nights, the tears, the endless learning curve, the tearful calls home, the staying up to pick people up late at night, the planning of crazy activities, the words spoken on car rides. Is it worth the taxi driving, the basketball playing, the laughter... Will I make any difference? Why did God bring me here?

Tonight I received an email from someone I don't know well. This person knows next to nothing about me, but knows that I have taken time to drive one young woman and her young daughter to school and back. That is all I do. I pick them up, I drop them off. We chit chat about general nothingness, sometimes talking about things that are remotely serious but usually not. We laugh at her child's funny jokes and shake our fists at the confusion of computers. I probably see this woman for maybe half an hour each day. But the person who sent me the email noticed. She noticed that this is making a difference. That this small act of kindness is making a difference in the life of one woman and one child.

I didn't even know it mattered. I have been focused on other things, other places. I have been worrying about devotions, and spiritual formation classes, and curfews. All along God has been using me in ways that I did not even see. Ways that matter.

I needed the reminder that one life is enough. It is enough that I make a difference for one person. It is enough.

I may forget tomorrow, and frustrations will pop up again. The questions still linger, the spiritual desert drags on. But there is this one life, this one seed, this one olive branch. That is something.