There are moments in life when there is lots to be said. And yet, at a moment in life when I should be able to talk and talk, I have nothing to say that makes a lot of sense. As I embark on the new journey I am taking, as a pastor, a real, living, breathing, working pastor in a small, rural church I find the words have left. Although just an intern, this job is real and it is big.
The imagery that comes to me when I consider this new change is a pair of shoes. Often, shoes pretend to be comfortable in the store, but when brought home, they are changed somehow. They hurt, they give blisters, and generally one wishes they never bought them. Sometimes, however, there are shoes that are so comfortable and wonderful that we wear them for months, years even, hoping they never give out.
I think this pastoral calling is like new shoes for me. I like them a lot. In fact, I believe that these shoes are essentially beautiful. These shoes appear to fit me well, to be comfortable, and to show some of my personality and character by their design. There are some marks on them, though. Marks from the past – marks from people looking and deciding against them. Marks that people did not even realize they made. But mostly, they are clean and brand-new. These shoes are waiting for a life to be lived and breathed in them.
So, I bought the shoes. I showed these new shoes to others and they too, think the shoes fit me well.
But now I am in the real world, and between you and me – I am scared to see if these shoes are fit for life. Pastoral shoes. Shoes that will forever change me. Shoes that scare me a little. Shoes that my feet are not yet big enough to fill. Shoes that God has to help me wear, because if God isn’t helping I know these shoes will slip off in a second.
So far I still love these shoes. But there have already been moments where I have wanted to take them off and leave them in my closet, forgotten. But for some reason, it feels as though these shoes are permanently a part of me. These pastoral shoes have lots of marks already, but I think they may last a lifetime. These shoes are a journey, a journey that I hope will last for some time.
I need lots of help walking in my new shoes. Lots of discernment is required in their wearing, and a lot of prayer is needed along the way. Grant me wisdom, dear God who created me to be this person, wearing pastoral shoes. Grant me wisdom to know whether to keep them on for good as I embark upon this year.
The imagery that comes to me when I consider this new change is a pair of shoes. Often, shoes pretend to be comfortable in the store, but when brought home, they are changed somehow. They hurt, they give blisters, and generally one wishes they never bought them. Sometimes, however, there are shoes that are so comfortable and wonderful that we wear them for months, years even, hoping they never give out.
I think this pastoral calling is like new shoes for me. I like them a lot. In fact, I believe that these shoes are essentially beautiful. These shoes appear to fit me well, to be comfortable, and to show some of my personality and character by their design. There are some marks on them, though. Marks from the past – marks from people looking and deciding against them. Marks that people did not even realize they made. But mostly, they are clean and brand-new. These shoes are waiting for a life to be lived and breathed in them.
So, I bought the shoes. I showed these new shoes to others and they too, think the shoes fit me well.
But now I am in the real world, and between you and me – I am scared to see if these shoes are fit for life. Pastoral shoes. Shoes that will forever change me. Shoes that scare me a little. Shoes that my feet are not yet big enough to fill. Shoes that God has to help me wear, because if God isn’t helping I know these shoes will slip off in a second.
So far I still love these shoes. But there have already been moments where I have wanted to take them off and leave them in my closet, forgotten. But for some reason, it feels as though these shoes are permanently a part of me. These pastoral shoes have lots of marks already, but I think they may last a lifetime. These shoes are a journey, a journey that I hope will last for some time.
I need lots of help walking in my new shoes. Lots of discernment is required in their wearing, and a lot of prayer is needed along the way. Grant me wisdom, dear God who created me to be this person, wearing pastoral shoes. Grant me wisdom to know whether to keep them on for good as I embark upon this year.
3 comments:
This is beautiful. I can completely relate. We'll have to talk soon!
Very thoughtful. We're proud of you.
What color are the shoes?
Steve and Beck
Let me encourage you to keep your eyes focussed on the cobbler who made the shoes and can continue to tweek them as needed when the new shoes start to pinch a bit and need some stretching. I love the analogy. Many blessings to you and you are in our prayers.
Love,
Sharon
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