just when you think...

I actually believed that these 2 weeks with my family of origin would be a break. I really thought I would rest, relax, hang out with my parents and brother, see my extended family, can tomatoes, pick blueberries and generally have a merry time.

Not so.

My beloved grandmother is in the hospital, in the ICU. She has been having some severe health issues for awhile, but it isn't looking great. My mother is stressed and concerned, obviously. The whole family is making trips to Des Moines and back. My grandma just doesn't seem to be getting better.

After a summer of dealing day in and day out with severe illness and near death situations, I am tired. To come to my relaxation and encounter the same thing is really hard. I will survive, but I just feel exhausted. Suffering is exhausting - not just for the person in it - but also for the people surrounding who are waiting...waiting...waiting.

Just when I thought I would be able to breathe I am back again, waiting with bated breath...