Inside/Outside

I have been deeply thinking about the concerning difference there is between being inside and being outside. Who is in? Who is out? How do we decide these things?

In Alaska, when people go to the continental United States they say that they are going 'outside'. People have told me that this dates back to when it was extremely difficult to get out of Alaska and before statehood. Either way, it is an odd concept that brings up my shackles. People in Alaska are pretty involved in their cliques, just like people everywhere else. It is nearly impossible to break into a group. People on the 'inside' have been here for a long time. They are tough. They know how to hunt and fish (and to hell with you if you don't like to do these things). You don't really get to be 'inside' until you have lived here for almost 2 years. So, technically, we don't count yet. Ah, well.

Then, I recall my husband's fencing tournament on Saturday. Several people from his club went to this event, held at a club that we'll call 'major fail', or mf. There were only fencers from 2 places. It was clear who was better from the viewpoint of the people at mf. My husband was 'out' - he was the bad guy - they couldn't let him in. He won last time - let's get him! We can't let him inside! We are better! We know the rules! And hey - we can change them in the MIDDLE OF A BOUT IF WE WANT. Because you, you're not in - you don't know. We can have the person that he beat the last time be the JUDGE of his bouts with no one there to watch and see if she is lying or fudging. Hello? Can you say unfair?

It doesn't matter. She was inside mf. He was outside. So he is crap. He doesn't know the way. So he got 5th and we had fun, despite the frustration and I am quite proud of him for doing so well.

The church is the worst. Hey new people, stand up and introduce yourselves so we can all say hi to you after church and then walk away because you're not from here, we don't know your family, and it'll take you years to get in our group. We're in. You're out.

We don't trust your theology.

What if you are 'living in sin'? What if you drink alcohol? What if you're a woman trained to be a pastor? What if you are choosing not to have children? What if the husband isn't in control? What if you are honest about your God-questions?

Here in the church, the people who are inside smile. We tell each other nice things. We proclaim the name of Jesus. We read the Bible. We don't let the world's problems drag us down. We pray for ourselves. We give money for our church. For programs that our children come to. We pretend other people are welcome, but then they're outside, so they really aren't. We give money to foundations, but don't let them call us for actual help.

We want our God to stay inside with us because this box is nice and comfortable. Isn't it safe and warm? Don't we know how to keep it safe so well? Don't we all fit so nicely? Too bad there isn't any more room! Oh well, at least we're here.

Maybe this is over-dramatized. Maybe it isn't.

I've been thinking a lot about the lenses that we view people with. The God-talk that we speak. The way we include some and exclude others. The way we judge who is in by certain bible verses, or songs, or views, or whatever.

Who is in? Who is out? I'm usually out. That box is pretty ugly. And stifling.