Abundance

Honestly, this picture is here because it is absurd, but it is often what breakfast looks like at our house. Coffee, Emergen-C (one of our stay-well things) and green smoothies. Abundance of drinks, but abundance nonetheless.

I have been contemplating abundance as I approach this Advent and Christmas season. I told Kennan a couple of weeks ago that I just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening because I didn't want this season to be filled with worry and busyness and money.

As I looked at our gift list I felt overwhelmed. I want so much to give because I love to do so, but I don't want worry to accompany giving.

As I looked at ordering Christmas cards I felt a bit sad. We are still two people and not three. The end of another year of waiting on the future has come, but the next year lies before us still open with more waiting.

With all of this in my head, I wanted something different. And different we shall have.

Different because we won't be seeing our families. Different because over half of our gifts are handmade. Different because we still don't have a church to call home. Different because we are in a season of abundance.

The abundance is not vast. We are not rolling in money. By most standards, yes, but after the school loan bills we don't have a lot left for frivolity. But compared to last year, in a season of major worry, we are rich. And yet, I don't want to go into debt to celebrate the birth of Christ. Counter-productive, I call that.

So, for Advent, we're staying in. We're making gifts. We're eating food that we make. We're going to enjoy the Nutcracker in our town, but otherwise we won't be leaving our little town until we go to pick up my parents at the airport.

We will eventually get a tree. We will eventually decorate. But for now I am appreciating the pause. The intentional wait of Advent is upon us. It is painful and it is beautiful. Patience is not one of my virtues.

Last night, as we lit the first candle and read our biblical lesson and prayed from the Divine Hours, I was struck by the feeling of comfort. My body felt comfortable in our Advent prayers. My spirit felt free as we lit a candle and sang 'O Come, O Come Emmanuel'. My very self stopped worrying, stopped wondering, stopped whirling. I sat and waited with my love; waited for the Christ-child to appear on earth again, as he did so long ago.

Waiting is beautiful. Welcome to Advent.