Exhaustion

So, I have 3 weeks left of CPE. I have learned a lot, but it is time for it to be over. I am not called to be a chaplain at all...it just does not fit with me at all. I truly have tried, and I will do everything I can to finish well, but one of the reasons this summer has been difficult is because it is so not who I am. When I do something I love, I get tired, but the tired feels rewarding because I enjoyed getting there. However, doing this chaplaincy has been so exhausting and this is mostly because I am being forced to be someone I am not.

I just worked for 7 days straight. I was on call and had preaching responsibilities. This has really infringed on 2 of my precious weekends with my husband. So I am exhausted. I am to that point where I am so tired that I cannot sleep, you know? This is why people should not work so much. It is so bad for you. The body cannot keep going in these circumstances.

Also, Friday was a horrific CPE day. I have been dealing with an ear infection. I am tired of talking about my 'feelings' with people who I don't even know. If I share my true feelings, then people tell me to stop being so negative. Since when is it negative to tell the truth and talk about how you are frustrated that people have dementia? Since when is it negative to admit that you are sad and frustrated because you are living amongst strangers? I agree. This summer I have been much more frustrated and angry than I am in normal life. It is true. This is because my circumstances are so incredibly out of the ordinary.

So anyway, 18 days left. God help!