The "Institution"

Well, institutions bother me. There is so much bureaucracy, so much paperwork, so many meetings, so many channels to go through to do anything. I am so sick of it. I love the seminary, but I currently feel highly frustrated with some things.

Two classes I need to graduate are scheduled at the same time. This is just life, it happens. It really isn't anyone's fault, it is just a byproduct of institutional life at times. The trouble is actually that no one really seems eager to help me figure out a way to work around this issue. The basic answer I have been getting all semester is, 'Well, figure it out.' I have not gotten any helpful ideas or ways to work through this.

I have heard, over and over again, that I should just take one of the classes in June and graduate next year. As if not graduating this year is no big deal. Sure, I could still get a job, but really - coming back a year later to walk? After all the junk I have gone through in the last 3 1/2 years to get this degree, there is something in me that sparks at these statements. I deserve to finish this, to feel the sense of accomplishment. I have taken extra classes, worked around craziness, moved to Iowa, lived in Milwaukee, and now I will be traveling to the south side of Chicago one night a week to take a class - so I can graduate, so I can get a good education and be a good minister.

Yesterday, a professor involved in this mess told me that I "need to take ahold of my education." This made me, I will admit, irate. The assumption here is that I haven't taken ahold of my education. I really wanted to scream. I didn't, though. I just didn't say anything else. But I have taken ahold of my education. I have taken more electives than I needed just so that I could have a well-rounded education. I have taken all the classes for the intercultural studies certificate because I really felt that was important for any facet of ministry I may enter. I have not taken anything pass/fail that was not already a pass/fail course. I have really poured my heart into this degree. I poured my whole self into my 9 month internship and into my 11 week CPE. I come home and talk about my classes with my husband.

It just feels violating to have someone make such a blanketing statement about me - especially when the statement is not true in any way. But the truth is that this is the nature of the beast, the nature of the institution. No matter how wonderful the institution is, it is still a human-created thing. And humans are sinful, therefore, when they get together - guess what? They create sinful structures.

And let me tell you what - I am sick of it. I recognize this is a rant, and I am okay with that. I just really need to graduate - to be done - to breathe fresh air of non-school life. But I have to say also - being a farmer in the middle of nowhere keeps sounding better and better...