Falling Down, Getting Up, Starting Again

I started running.

Again.

Again, I will say that I truly hope to finish my 9 week run 30 minutes thing. I am running with someone from work which helps a lot. Today, neither of us felt like running. We felt lazy. But we did it because we knew there was someone else waiting for us so we had to do it. This is good for me. A partner.

On the 2nd day we ran together I fell down. It was one of those falls where you are on the ground and then you realize you fell. This has happened to me SO many times that I just start to laugh at this point because laughing is more fun for everyone than being embarrassed.

I am a clutz. This is not something new. I got up while my running buddy stared and prayed I was alright. In my defense it was very icy. I don't like the indoors. So falling down is sort of the risk you take for running outside in Alaska in winter. Like how in summer you could get attacked by a bear when hiking here. Same thing. Risky, but you do it anyway.

The thing is, you have to be prepared. I should know better than to run on ice in my tennis shoes with no traction. I learned my lesson. I'm searching for cleats for my shoes in the right size. No more falling down for me. I learned to carry bear spray and to never run away when you see a bear. Even if you want to. Running is bad. Looking large and standing still is good. You live, you learn.

I have fallen down a lot in life. Kennan has fallen down a lot in life. What does this mean? Are we people who need to fall down, flat on the ice, arms and knees aching, to see the truth? Maybe. Or maybe we are just clumsy. Maybe I'll never know.

I think the key to falling down is knowing that you have to get up again. Or have someone help you get up. You can lay on the ground and feel embarrassed and cry, but that doesn't really help the situation. You're still laid out flat on the ground. At some point you have to get to your feet and start moving forward again. You can't lay in the pit forever. Progress doesn't happen if you don't have the courage to get up and start again.

What does starting again look like? This is the big question.

I laughed. I really laughed when I fell down on the ice. I had a vivid flashback of 3 years ago when I was running with one of the dearest people in my world. We were running early in the morning down a trail in Chicago and I wiped out on the ice. She was so worried about me and I was laughing. It was this moment when the army guys decided to run by in their little formation where they yell stuff. It was just fabulous. I could have been embarrassed that some wierd tough guys saw me on the ground, but I figured that they were supposed to be in shape and at least I was doing something. My friend and I really laughed. And I laughed when I fell in Alaska, thinking of her. Thinking of how this seems to happen to me a lot. I thought of how many times I have fallen down since that time in Chicago. And how many times I have gotten up and started again. It is quite a few.

My knee still has a huge yellowy purpley bruise. It itches. But I've been running 4 times since then. Sometimes you have to just get up and start again. Even if you're not sure you'll succeed. Even if you don't know if you can make it. Even when you're not sure where you're going.