I Tell You What

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and sad and distraught about the state of the world.


Sometimes I let it seep into my pores and wonder what I can do...what I can say...how I can change the things that are so very, very wrong with the way things are.


Sometimes I want to yell and scream and kick things like the 5 years olds I spend time with every day.


Sometimes I think that it would be nice to be a toddler, where temper tantrums are accepted. Nobody is happy about them, but everyone does assume they will occur at least once in awhile.


Sometimes I get so angry that we pick certain segments of the population and decide to judge them, label them, 'love them, but hate their sin', and in all ways not love them at all.


Sometimes I can't believe that there are so many people dying today, right now, because they just need food to eat. They just need somewhere to live. They just need help.


Sometimes I am amazed at how we're okay with genetically modified food, how processed sugary crap is what we give to our children, how we somehow think telling them that they have to eat their food because other children are starving is helpful.


Sometimes I sit on the couch and cry. The state of the world is quite something to behold. It makes me weep. It pisses me off. I want to get on my high horse and judge what I see. It makes me cuss. A lot. As in, don't bring your children anywhere near me, drunken sailor type stuff. 


Then I remember. I remember that it is the little things, not the big ones that lead to systemic change.


I smile and remember that Prop 8 is no longer an issue. I smile and remember that not everyone thinks hokey evangelical movies are good. I smile and remember that some friends are adopting two beautiful boys from Ethiopia and there will be difficulty, but there will be love. I smile and remember my goal (well, really this is an us thing, but you know) to get to the OCS office this week and get the appropriate papers for foster care. I smile and remember that we've paid $500 extra toward our debt so far this year. It might not be much, but it is something. I smile and remember that there are lots and lots of beautiful people in the world and while we might not agree on everything, or even most things, beauty can still be found.


I smile and remember that there is a God who loves. There is beauty, even amidst the sorrow that is this world. There is beauty in life, even when life is hard and seems like an uphill battle.


While at work today the little girl that I work with stared up at me with a huge smile on her face and said, "I'm so happy you are here!" Isn't that all it takes? A small step, a little love and care. It might not change the world, but maybe it will change one small soul. And hopefully she'll keep it going.