However, I am starting to wonder.
Here are the stats:
Job #1 in Alaska: Left because it was a bad, bad fit. Some bad judgment all around, mostly myself.
Period of unemployment for 6 months. Attempted to get over a dozen jobs. Turned down or not called back for every single one.
Move to Homer.
Attempt at several jobs, either turned down or not called back.
Finally, at the end of May I found a sales clerk job. I did that for 4 months. It was pretty terrible for the last month, quit job because of sheer horrific-ness. I have since discovered that there are numerous people around town who worked at this particular location. Many of them have been unable to find a job because the former boss sort of makes sure they don't.
Find another job. Semi-enjoy job. Can see doing this job for the foreseeable school year future. Am okay waiting it out, continuing to look for full time work. Helping children and families is always a wonderful, difficult thing.
Today, I went to work and found out that the mom is pulling the girl from the preschool. The preschool is the only safe place in this little one's life and it is being taken away. For reasons that are not even real because I have been there, and I know. Words cannot express the horror of this situation both for the care of the child and for the financial welfare of my own family.
There is another school I could work at. I have been told that the environment is toxic and horrible. But I could get hours. Isn't that maddening? The mental health people are telling me that my only option is a toxic environment that is bad for my mental health. The situation is almost hysterical, if I weren't myself right now.
It's like a Catch-22. Yes, I could do something terrible for 8 weeks. Who couldn't? But should I? I'm already struggling with depression. I'm already completely overwhelmed by the frustration of not being able to find something.
I feel cursed. Just...cursed. I am starting to think there isn't a job out there that I will enjoy or at least be able to tolerate. And when I find one it ends.
What the crap? (This is a *kind* way of saying what is happening in my head.)
I have an interview on Thursday for a summer job. And I have to decide what I am going to do this week about the other situation.
I am horrified. My pride is wounded. I feel awful.
And we're moving in 2 weeks.
And my husband has shingles. For real.
And our oven still doesn't have a heating coil. So I can't even make pizza.
Some things in life feel unredeemable. This is one of those things.
6 comments:
I read it all, and then when I got to the part about no pizza, then I really lost it. Oh Alaina. I wish I lived closer. Not that my presence is ever comforting. Just so we could have a cup of tea or a glass of wine and talk. Then I would quit my job and we could open an Etsy shop and blog full time and just, in general, change the world. Are you in? Okay, in all seriousness, I love you. He loves you. Wrap tight in that today.
Oh friend! I can do nothing but send hug vibes. You're in my thoughts, and I love you!
Kim - Yes. It would all be okay, if I could just have some cheesy pizza. And I wish you were here too, I don't have any of those 'drink some wine and let it all out' friends here. It makes life difficult. And an etsy shop would be my dream of a lifetime. If only!
Clarissa - Thank you. I seriously couldn't believe my luck when I walked in to work today. WTF?
Oh Alaina....feeling your pain and wishing I could help. Love you lots and believe in you no matter what! Catch a big hug from me and know that I care and am praying.
Alaina,
Know you are not alone. The job struggle has been going on for me for far too long! And the stress of no health insurance hanging over me is SO scary as my COBRA will run out soon. And I understand how difficult it is to be so far away from extended family and friends. You are in my prayers and I hope you say a small one for me also. We are strong. We will continue to keep moving forward towards brighter days.
Ugh. Life really sucks sometimes. Talk to you soon :)
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