In the last 21 days I have been home for 12 hours. In the last 21 days I have slept in my bed once. In the last 21 days I have taken care of 4 children, taken a 40 hour class on women in ministry, I have attended my first ever pastor's conference, stayed in a fancy hotel, caught up with numerous friends who I haven't seen since July, learned a lot about myself, and stayed up until 2 am every night this week. In the last 21 days I have slept in the same bed as my husband 9 nights.
I am absolutely exhausted. Here I sit in Starbucks on Michigan Avenue watching the snow fall in massive amounts, waiting for my husband to finish his class. I paid $10 for the internet because I am afraid I would fall asleep here in the Starbucks if I was trying to read a book. It is supposed to snow 6-10 inches tonight, and we are supposed to drive home to Decorah. I am a little afraid that won't be able to happen.
I need many things right now: a good sleep, a home cooked meal, my couch would be nice, but most of all I need to find a way to turn off my brain for just a little while.
Although it may sound cliche, here goes. I honestly think the last 21 days have changed my life. I cannot put this into words right now, but I think it will happen soon. First of all, I discovered that you learn a lot about your own character when watching children. Second, I learned a lot about my reactions and feelings about women in ministry. I thought I was over my anger and frustration, but it turns out that I'm not. Third, I learned that I really love the Covenant. Fourth, I learned that I need to depend upon God more. Fifth, I learned that my safe places and people have changed and I don't know what that will mean for my life. Sixth, I learned that I am a bad networker and bad at keeping in touch with people. Seventh, I learned that I am sometimes much more comfortable with men than with women, especially in working relationships. Eighth, I have truly learned that laughter and fun with friends really can be healing both physically and emotionally.
I've learned a lot of other things too...
But most of all I have learned that 21 days without my bed is a LONG time.
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4 comments:
Thanks for removing the vomit from the top of your page. I'm amazed at the crazyness of your past three weeks and I sure hope you made it home without trouble.
You learn even more about your character when watching your own children. It's actually quite scary because they repeat the things you say and they take on your mannerisms (and faults). They pick up good things, too, but the bad stuff is so much more evident; sore-thumbish, in fact.
Well, Decorah is a wonderful destination. Hope that the drive home went well. Maybe you'll even miss the kids.
I feel for you girl. Hang in there. This time of life shall also pass. Hard as it may be.
I hope that I can be a safe place for you even though my circumstances have changed.
Sarah H.
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