Holy Week

I am about done with this Lenten season. I need a little Easter in my life.

This Lenten season has been really difficult for me. I have watched numerous people near and dear to my heart suffer. Now I am sitting in the midst of a church that is suffering. So many things in my life seem to be spiraling a bit out of control. When I look forward, the spinning doesn't really stop. The next few months loom before me, proving that life probably won't get too much easier or less busy.

There have been seasons in my life where I embraced Lent with open and willing arms. At those points, I was tired of the church's fake, happy-joy-joy, we're perfect attitude. In those moments I wanted a little suffering, a little reality, a crash in the road of Christians trying to be perfect.

Now, when I am in the midst of a church that is sluffing off the fakeness rapidly, I am realizing that even though I wanted to see it, it hurts. It really is painful to realize how sinful and broken the church is. It keeps me up at night to recognize that we are nowhere near to being who we are called to be. It breaks my heart. My heart actually feels broken.

I need a little Easter in my life. But right now, I'm not even sure Easter will be the same. I know the resurrection is still the true joy of my life. I believe that. I also know that I am praising and worshipping on Easter with people who have been slaying each other all week. This is painful. We need a little Easter in our lives. A little refocusing to see what is actually important.

The pastoral shoes are enormous this week. I feel like I can't even carry them with me. I'm just dragging them along - hoping they don't get lost.