Taking up Space

I've been thinking lately about a lot of things. I think I may be annoying the people around me. I have been reading some provocative books, including The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, which is a very cut through the crap kind of book. I have been thinking about church, about community, about hierarchical leadership structures, about feminism, about how I read the Bible, about male/female relationships, about children, about church meetings, and about stuff.

Last year, when we moved from Chicago to Decorah, we rid our lives of a lot of stuff. This included several kitchen items I swear I had never even seen before, as well as large amount of Christian subculture items like CD's or really bad books. We also rid our lives of several other things, and I felt much lighter.

Then we moved here, and of course, have acquired more stuff. Definitely not all bad stuff, but stuff. Junk. Things to looks pretty. Or things that I could use, but definitely do not need. For two people, we have lots of hobbies. Our hobbies take lots of stuff - sewing machines, fabric, supplies for quilting, yarn, knitting needles, crochet hooks, rope, book binding supplies, drawing/painting/pastel supplies, and the list goes on.

I was sitting last night with a group of church women. We were talking about books we like to read or books that have impacted our lives. Over and over again I heard about cheesy Christian romances (which are not always bad), but that I am somewhat against. That is for another day. Anyway, I realized that I am a book junkie. I like to own books. Now sometimes, in my defense, this is good. I write all over my books, underlining and circling, and saying what I really think in the margins, etc. However, the library has books. My friends have books. There are places I can get books. Why do I spend so much money on books?

And Christmas. I am still overtaken by the amount of money it seems to take to have Christmas. Hundreds of dollars to buy each other stuff that will be forgotten in a couple of weeks. I spent years (literally) making a quilt for my parents and a month later my brother said - what quilt? He was sitting right there when we opened it. No impact. Stuff doesn't matter - people don't even remember it. Family, who I love, spent SO much money on Kennan and I this Christmas and I felt like a selfish, gluttonous fool. So much stuff that I just have to haul around - and most of which I probably do not need.

And food. Why do I feel the need to have extras of everything? There are only 2 of us - why so much extra food stuff? Why always back up plans and frozen back up plans and such? What do I expect? That ALL the grocery stores will be closed for months? Seriously. Ridiculous money spent, just sitting on my shelf, for months. Going out to eat when I have all this food on my shelf. Deciding nothing sounds good, so going out instead. Ridiculous.

Why do I do all of these things? Because I am addicted to stuff. I don't know how to get around this issue. Everyone around me is addicted to stuff too.