And more of them...

I had a lot of moments today with people who I needed to have moments with. It was a big interpersonal communication sort of day. I'm crying again, which has become normal end of the day routine here in apartment 18. And it isn't bad crying, but it is the letting out of the true, raw, emotion-rocking journey that this good-bye is. These are tears of pain, of joy, of real relationships, of true and authentic love for people. So there is so much good. And there is so much sad. There is just so much...

As these good-byes are happening, the big one looms before me. Sunday, Sunday. The day I wish would never come. After a raw weekend of saying good-bye to dear friends who are moving to Africa, I come back to give my good-bye testimony and farewell in front of the church. Who knows where I will be emotionally, after saying good-bye for 2 years to my dearest friends. Sunday will be really difficult for me. Supremely hard. I am giving the "sermon" which won't really be a sermon, but more of a testimony of what God has been doing in my life this year and where I see the Spirit moving. My hopes and dreams for this place. My prayers for them. My love for them. The things I want them to know in these last moments.

I had one of my final moments alone with one of the women who has become a kindred spirit for me. I love finding those people you know? The ones who you don't have to explain yourself to because they already understand even though you never told them. Those people. There aren't many of them in the world, you know? I know she is reading this - (and parenthetically, :), that is not why I am saying this) - but it is true. That final moment of conversation was not even awkward, it just rolled. We'll see each other again, no doubt, over the next week and hopefully through the coming years. The thing I realized during this moment with her was that it is hard for me to actually speak what I am feeling. I am better in writing. I am better at writing it out, which is why I blog, why I journal, why my husband believes I will write a book someday.

So my new goal for the next 12 days is to speak the truth of my emotions and heart even when it hurts. Even when I might 'ugly cry'. Even when it is awkward. So if it hasn't happened yet with you - it is coming - be ready. I can't walk away without being real. So I'm going to be real - even if it is interesting.