It Has Begun - (for real this time)

For all those who read (if there even are any of you...), I will be saying this stuff a lot the next few weeks. You can definitely read it, but I know these items probably won't interest everyone. However, while moving, it is good to document things in a place that will not and can not be lost. So, the documentation begins today...beware.

My first official good-bye happened tonight. I did not cry. I was close, but it did not actually happen. Not that it would have been awful to cry, but well, you know...

I was at my last ever council meeting at this church tonight. It was long, as business meetings in the church always manage to be. But I realized how much I had learned from my attendance this year. I have learned what church meetings are even like. I have learned about who is in charge, how to lead, how to best say things, how to not say things, what you should say, and what you shouldn't. Basic church meeting etiquette. A good skill that seminary will never give to me.

It was at these meetings that I also learned to love the pastoral role of spiritual leadership and guidance. It was during these meetings when I watched the senior pastor guide certain things, or move in a direction, or bring up things that needed to be said, or be firm when he needed to be - that I learned the art of pastoral leadership. It really has to be a fine tuned, beautifully crafted sort of thing, leading in a meeting. It takes serious skill. I don't personally have the skill right now, but I hope to have it someday. The pastor has the skill, and I've learned a lot from watching him. The chair of the church also has some serious meeting leading skill. He speaks the truth, for good or for ill, and it is great to watch him direct and move conversation. Seriously, these guys have taught me a lot. Big debt owed to them. And they didn't even know they were teaching me - ha!

It is also at these meetings that there have been moments where I have really hated church. Just the function of it all - the non-spiritualness of some of it - the ugly, as it were. But in those small moments of hatred, I have learned a key and highly important point. We are sinners, broken and in need of our Savior. We are not perfect - the church will never and can never be perfect. It has been a good lesson. These things will happen - and they will hurt. Conflict will occur and it will be painful - my image may be shot to hell - I may cry myself to sleep - but there is always the beautiful moments to combat the yuck. God is always at work and on the move. Church isn't perfect - but it isn't supposed to be this side of life. A good life lesson for me in my pastoral shoes.

I cannot believe I am going to make the following statement. Back in January/February, after I attended the pastoral conference for the denomination, I made a statement in a post that I sometimes like working with men better than with women. As the feminist that I am and strive to be :o), this was an unsettling realization then. It still is unsettling. And wierd. And interesting for my husband to ponder. However, with pride, I will say it - I work well with men. I like women a lot, and I work well with them too, but for some reason I truly work well with men. Maybe it just seems shocking because I expect myself to not work well with men. Maybe it really isn't that I work better with them, but just that I actually can work with them and it is fine. Maybe it is because usually male/female things fall apart so quickly because of wierd sexual politics that nobody will admit to. Maybe it is because in the Christian world men and women do not usually associate unless their spouses are present and so it is just wierd.

But I am wierd. I sort of revel in wierd - so this is normal for me - to be wierd. I think men and women working together more fully displays the image and body of Christ. It gives a fuller picture of what this hodge podge community is supposed to be and look like. Men are great - they just tell me what they need to tell me and then get on with it. I like that. But I also have really enjoyed those moments when I get to bash in the stereotypes and say something like - Can we please move on? Do we really need to talk about this more? Or when I watch men in leadership be really emotional. That might be one of my favorite things. They might not be emotional in the same way - but whoever tries to say women are more emotional hasn't spent much time with passionate men in meetings. Whoo-eee! Emotions run wild, trust me.

Anyway, back to the main point. At the end of the meeting I prayed for them - for their leadership, for direction, for an anointing of the Holy Spirit. Those 7 men and 1 woman are really honorable people and I want and hope the best for them and this church. The beautiful moment happened when they prayed for me. So humbling, so real, and selfishly - so nice to feel appreciated and loved. So nice to be acknowledged for the work. Not necessary, but it sure is nice to know that people noticed. So, now I'm getting teary again and I'm going to be done. 1 Good-bye down. Lots more to go.