I have realized lately that I have been really wounded from some of the things that have been said to me in the past year and a half. These things, which I thought I had sluffed off, have affected my insides. They have made me feel un-whole. They have made me feel like a failure for not buying into the 'work-all-the-time-because-that-means-you-love-Jesus' crap.
Looking forward, there are lots of unknowns. We might be moving. We might be staying. Either way, we need more money to make ends meet. Because they aren't meeting.
Unluckily for me, there are no jobs. Or, no jobs that I am qualified for. Such fun.
I haven't been able to get myself on a schedule or eat at appropriate hours or even to eat appropriate things. I am just so tired. At first I thought maybe I was depressed, but I think it is more the overwhelming thoughts. It isn't depression so much as it is my brain trying to process everything that has happened and could be happening to our little family. I am a processor. A processor who currently is on the rocks in her relationship with the Supreme God. A processor who doesn't have many people to process with (who I can actually look in the face).
I was created to be a thinker. When other people can let things go, I just can't. I used to think this was a flaw, but I think it is just me. I'm sort of tired of being told that I should somehow stop doing this.
When we visited the land mentioned in the last post I felt a freedom I haven't felt for awhile. In the next few days it looks like we will discover if there are offers. Or not. I don't know what I'm hoping for. We don't know what we're hoping for. Other than some financial freedom and healing time.
On the other side, a little tip. I've been trying to be a bit more natural in our remedies for sickness and other things around here. I'm not against medicine, but I do think people in our culture use drugs too often and it is harmful to us unless we actually do need those antibiotics. Lots of times, we're afraid to let our immune systems do the work of fighting off different sicknesses and this is why we get sick - our immune systems have no opportunity to become strong. In the midst of stress and traveling, Kennan and I came down with some colds that started out as something that could really become a problem. So we tried this - instead of vapo rub, we used a small amount (less than a tsp) of almond oil with 2-3 drops of eucalyptus essential oil. You mix it in your hands and then place it on your chest and a bit under your nose, like you would vapo-rub. But it actually smells good. The oil is good for your skin. And it works. When we did this, we would wake up un-stuffy. It is amazing. You can use basically any carrier oil, but almond and jojoba and typically used for massage so they are good for skin. Try it! I'm telling you, it is great.
Tip #2: If you are having digestive issues, add one drop of peppermint essential oil to a tall glass of (not cold) water. Slowly drink it. Or drink some peppermint tea. This has made a huge difference for us.
2 comments:
Where do you purchase your essential oils? luckily i'm not sick a lot, but i do have constant sinus issues so...
Sarah,
I purchase mine at our grocery store...which isn't helpful to you, probably. They might have them at Hy-Vee or some kind of natural food store. They last forever. They cost a bit on the front end, but seriously, that peppermint thing works. And the eucalyptus really has cleared my sinuses...even if I just breathe it in.
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