Home.

We traveled for Christmas this year, which isn't really that much of a surprise, but this time we had to fly to do it. Everyone was really happy to see us. The feeling was mutual, but there was always something stirring in the background.

Some notes on our travels:

People kept asking me if it was good to be home. I would stare at them blankly and say, "But I'm not home." To which my grandma, one of the many people who said this, replied, "Well then you should make it home." I stared at her, she stared at me. I responded, "Grandma, if I move you can't come visit me this summer in Alaska." She smiled.

The entire time we were away I was struck, over and over again, by the sheer magnitude of the miles separating Alaska from the continental United States. It really is far. It takes a 6 hour plane ride to get from here to there. Along with this, it is also far in the sense that we are far from where other people are. People move on, people have lives. We aren't part of them on a day to day or even month to month basis. We don't see people. We are out of the loop. People talk and laugh about things that we don't understand.

I found myself, once again, feeling like a very square peg trying to fit in a very round hole.

We had a fun game going while we were traveling. We sort of called it Alaska vs. the midwest. It sort of went like this:

Moonrise over the mountains while driving to Anchorage - Alaska: 1 Midwest: 0

Flat lands with nothing to see - Alaska: 1 Midwest: 0

Family - we couldn't decide on this one, depending on where we were either Alaska or the midwest would win. So it is pretty even, we think.

And on and on it went. We had to tell people we might stay, which made them angry. They say they want us to be happy, but really....I'm just not sure. We had to tell people we might leave, which made them want to come and visit again.

I got to see one of my dearest friends in the whole world for 15 minutes. It was sort of a terrible situation. We were going to really see each other, but then it was horribly icy and dangerous and I wanted to see my parents and I looked at her face and it was....awkward. (Sorry, Clarissa, if I am giving you new information.) Her husband was there, my husband was there, and we all hadn't seen one another in over 18 months. And we knew we were seeing each other for 15 minutes. What do you say to one you love so dear when there is no time to say anything? I'm glad I saw her, but jeepers, it was a strange moment.

We realized yet again the frustrations of dealing with a divorced family. But we were also sort of used to it and even okay with the way things have turned out. Does that make us weird?

I learned, yet again, that I really loathe people who are bitter.

When I came back to Alaska I felt like I was returning home. That really means something, I think.

I cried when I said good-bye to my brother. He's getting married the next time I see him. Overwhelming.

People told me I should open up a sewing business. But I think I would have to charge way too much. But Kennan thinks I should call myself Square Peg Studios. How painfully true that is dear one, how painfully true.