Food: An Honest Fail

The last three days have been not at all what was expected of them.

We got into an extended season CSA last minute (which is great!) but now we are swimming, SWIMMING in greens. This is a good problem, but the menu didn't include many greens, so everything needs to change now.

I started to actually use my sewing machine. There was some sort of block within me. I think the block had to do with the understanding I have that everything, EVERYTHING could be gone in the blink of an eye. After the fire, I realized that all the time and effort I placed into making our little apartment a real and true home was burned up. Therefore, making new things to make our new house a home seems scary. Because really: it could happen again. I am not a doomsday alarmist. Having this happen again would be an extraordinary feat of ridiculous. But it could. My brain knows this. So I had to get past the fear and decide that even if, it is worth it.

Then I attempted to start to use my sewing machine and the instruction manual was a textbook. I thought I was only slightly upgrading, but apparently that isn't true. So I read and I read.

And we ordered food in. 

So, despite everything, life gets in the way. I guess the moral of the story is that things happen. 

We are doing the best we can at this station of life. Sometimes we make great choices for days on end and it seems like everything is hunky dory.

But then, something crazy happens, and we are thrown off kilter again for a few days while we figure out how to navigate these murky waters that have become our life. 

And then, we re-emerge again with our strong convictions and ideals and ethics. And then, we remember that all this work is worth it. Worth it for the earth, for our children, for our children's children. Worth it because ethics matter and values matter and where we put our money matters. What we put into our bodies matters. What we do with our time matters. 

What we eat matters. There is no getting around it. 

I do not believe that everyone should eat the same things. I don't even believe that everyone should have the same food ethics. I understand that we are all at different places in life. I recently spent time with a friend who just adopted two boys from Ethiopia. Eating balanced vegetable meals all the time? Probably isn't going to happen. I recently spent time with a friend in the NICU with her two babies. Cooking and eating lots of vegetables? Probably isn't going to happen. I know several families who don't have a lot of money and so they buy what they can, just so they can feed their families vegetables and fruit. This is the best choice they can make.

We all have to do the best we can with where we are and with what we have. Rising healthcare costs and lowering grocery budgets are a problem. Food matters. What we eat affects our health. It affects our world, it affects our lives. We can't pretend it doesn't matter because it just does.

What I have learned is that I need to have as much grace for myself as I do for others. When I look at my friends who are doing the best they can with the crazy places they are  I see grace, and I feel love and compassion for them. I see them trying their best. But I look at my life and feel judgmental that we ordered food in because it felt like the world was crashing down around us, again. 

Then I remember that I deserve the same grace and compassion that I offer to others. 

I remember that tomorrow is a new day and I can try again.

I remember that it is finally cool outside and that beans and greens soup will actually taste good tonight.

Life goes on.