Wow...I did it

I lived through church today and the 'ugly cry' did not occur. Tears, yes. But it was a beautiful service. The worship leader read my heart (as she tends to do) and the Spirit worked, and the songs were just what I needed to make it. After my sermon, I was given gifts of cards and cupcakes and cookies and a great thermos from the Co-op. The pastor said some really kind things about me, as did the youth coordinator, and lots of people prayed for me. It was touching, it was sad, it was hard, but it was so real. I love that - you know? When you are in a moment and it feels so real (which I realize sounds ridiculous, because it IS real). But that feeling, like everything is heightened to the tenth degree and all your senses are really feeling everything and you just - whew - and let the moment be what it will be. I probably make no sense to anyone but myself, but I am okay with that.

So far today has been beautiful. The cards and gifts I received were a wonderful affirmation. Not from the men of the church, of course, because apparently cards are feminine...or something. :o) But anyway, it was a good good-bye.

My mom comes tonight to help me out for the next 3 days. I'm excited. There is so much packing to do - and so little time. And lots of people coming to help. And no husband here to hold me at night. But I will be okay.

I am sad, and my heart is broken, but it is time to let go. It is time to go. I am not ready, but I know it is time.