In these past few weeks (and in the weeks to come, I am sure), I have found myself close to tears on several occasions. Beautiful moments that happen to us, moments that can only happen because of the location in which we live, astound and startle me. Even though I am well aware of the life change that is happening to us in 8 short weeks I am shocked each and every new time that these things happen. I well up. My heart hurts. I remember. There are times when I weep.
Just because I know that this is the right choice does not mean it has been an easy one. Believe me, we love Alaska. If we could somehow have Alaska with family and tomatoes...well, we probably would.
In my sadness, some have questioned. "Are you making the right choice?" they ask, and they ask it with love and kindness. My heart replies with a firm and sturdy "yes, but...". Just because this is the right thing does not mean that it will be easy.
The hardest thing about this whole situation is that there are numerous aspects of this place that we love dearly. There are float planes taking off on the lake outside my window as I type, I can smell the salty sea air, the views are astounding even on cloudy days, I can see sea otters if I walk just a few minutes away, and I can see glaciers from the same distance.
This is not easy, this choice. To be blunt, it is damn hard.
For me, that is okay. Bittersweet is the name of the game. I chose this path and I will walk it. But it is difficult. Oh so heart wrenchingly difficult.
2 comments:
Oh, Alaina, I feel your pain. Eight years ago, when we made the heart-wrenching decision to move away from Fairbanks and back down to the Lower 48, I was in mourning for months. Even when I came right down to standing outside the Fairbanks airport, little 2-year-old Josh in my arms, about to board a plane, I was in tears and saying to Keith, "I just don't know if I can go through with this."
All that to say, I know it's hard. I hope it helps to know that you have family and friends praying for you, and a loving God who walks with you every step of the way.
Looking forward to seeing you...whenever we can figure out a time! :-)
Beautiful pictures :) And I can understand, any big change is difficult. And you don't have to apologize for how you feel :)
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