Dum, Dum, Dum

So, Kennan and I are relatively random people. We come up with funny sayings and songs and things that no one else would understand, much less find as hysterical as us. But, as you read the title of this blog post, imagine ominous music in the background.

This ominous, scary, foreboding music is how I felt last Friday afternoon when, horror of all horrors...

the End of Studies packet was in MY mailbox. Dum, dum, dum.

For those of you who think I am ridiculous, I beg you - do not tell me so. Because I am scared half to death it seems.

End of studies. This means I am ending my studies and have to write papers and have interviews to see if they will let me out. (Freedom from school!) Next week, the call to ministry process starts. Another ominous, scaring, foreboding sort of thing. This means - writing papers and ministry profiles to see if the Covenant church is willing to let me out into the world. (As a pastor!)

This year exists in my life as an unmarked canvas. Next year, who knows where we will be. It could be Africa, Canada, Seattle, Massachusetts, or (but please God somewhere else for awhile) Iowa. This year exists as a moment where I begin to talk with superintendents, boards, churches, friends, people - about who I am called to be - in 9 months.

The scary, foreboding music is partly because I am quickly realizing that I am not 'typical'. I do not fit the 'normative' pastor role. Partially because I just don't and partially because I do not want to. It doesn't feel right. The trouble is this: what does?

Maybe instead I will raise chickens and turkeys, own a coffeeshop, maybe own a quilt shop instead, live near dear friends, read books, have a garden, teach people to can and freeze, be a mother of adopted children, sew quilts, love people well, and open our house to whoever needs a place to live...maybe.

And now, after those quirky insights, back to reading about the atonement...